Woe, Canada
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I know I’m supposed to talk about "the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat." But this week, I need to take this opportunity to unburden myself of a deep, dark secret.
My mother is a foreigner. That’s right: She’s… Canadian. Or she was, until she became a U.S. citizen a half-century ago (the sell-out). So, technically, that makes me… half-Canadian Bacon, I guess.
I grew up singing O Canada, learning the provincial capitals, playing hockey and watching Beachcomber re-runs on the CBC. I learned to embrace my heritage – so well, I am now more offended by American hegemony than native Canadians are. Of course, it’s hard to tell, since Canadians only fight in rinks, never in restaurants or on the radio.
So that’s why, as a half-assed half-Canadian, I feel it’s my duty to defend our neighbors to the north.
All this talk of Hockey Town is getting under my Maple Leaf. Hockey Town? What about Hockey Nation? Canadians not only invented the sport, it is the basis of their national self-worth.
Americans declared their independence on July 4, 1776, rebelled against the Redcoats, settled a Civil War, won two World Wars and went to the moon. Ask a Canadian when they became a country, and you get a long pause followed by an even longer paragraph. They start mumbling years like 1763, 1867, and 1982 – which is actually the correct answer -- but no one has any idea. Canadians never made a big deal of separating from the Brits. After a few hundred years, the Queen politely suggested that maybe it’s time for her 200-year-old son to get a place of his own.
Canadians didn’t adopt their Maple Leaf flag until 1965, and didn’t get around to making O Canada their national anthem until 1980 – which is why Dave Barry once suggested Canada’s motto should be: “Technically, a nation.”
Canada’s greatest national achievement occurred in a hockey rink, when they beat the Soviets in 1972 on a last minute shot. You haven’t heard of that one, but Canadians took the day off work and school to watch it, and the guy who scored the goal is on a stamp. On the American five dollar bill, you’ll see the Lincoln Memorial. On the Canadian finski, you’ll see kids playing pond hockey. (I’m not kidding.)
The pillar of Canada’s national pride is hockey.
Canadians have generously shared their game with the rest of the world – but it’s worked too well. Canadian players dominate the NHL for decades, but today they account for barely half the players in the league, with the Americans closing fast.
In the Stanley Cup’s first 74 years, Canadian-based teams won the grail two-thirds of the time – almost half by Montreal and Toronto alone. But no Canadian team has won it since 1993 – a 16-year drought.
Instead, teams have come from Los Angeles, Dallas, Tampa Bay and Raleigh, fer cryin’ out loud, have sipped from the Cup, while teams in Vancouver, Edmonton, Calgary, Ottawa, Toronto and Montreal have had to drink their Moosehead from the bottle.
Who’s to blame?
NHL commissioner Gary Bettman, that’s who. He’s an evil genius – without the genius; the same guy who canceled an entire season four years ago, then switched the league’s TV contract from ESPN to something called Versus, a station last seen hiding on channel 603 on DirectTV, where a big playoff game gets beaten by “Reba” re-runs on the Lifetime Network.
This former NBA executive is trying to transform Canada’s national game into America’s. Bettman has pulled franchises out of hard-core hockey towns like Quebec City and Winnipeg, and put them in Denver and Phoenix. Phoenix! The league also expanded into such hockey hotbeds as Atlanta, Nashville and Miami – places where they cancel school when it rains, they can’t make ice in a freezer, and their fans cheer the Zambonis, because they think they’re racing.
Bettman has also ignored the crippling exchange rate – even Canadian teams have to pay their players in American dollars now – and the fact that Canadian taxpayers will not pay for new arenas, or the roads, bridges and off-ramps needed to get to them. Instead, Canadians throw away their hard-earned loonies on frivolities like education and health care, if you can believe it. (Sometimes it’s hard to be half-Canuck.)
So desperate are Canadians for a winner that every spring they put aside centuries’ old hatreds to cheer for any Canadian team that’s still in the hunt.
But this year, once again, there are no Canadian teams left to cheer for.
Woe, Canada.
Copyright © 2009, Michigan Radio
OUCH!!!
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Not sure what the ouch is for, but I'm guessing it's for Canada's hockey pains -- and the Great Oppressor Gary Bettman's role in it.
But that's just a guess.
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Easy their big fella...As a former player that has helped sell this wonderful game to the south since 1993 I will take some exceptions here. First, go the RBC (Raleigh) for a game and your eyes will bleed. A far better crowd than the Joe (yes I have been to both many many times). Albeit they may not understand off sides or icing. They absolutely love this team. Having played in rodeo barns in places like El Paso, Waco, and Midland. I can tell you first hand the game live is better than any other period. The fans just love all the action. I also say it is good for the game overall and good for Canada as well. Where else are they going to find jobs...teaching hockey to kids in Texas, Carolina, and Georgia is far better than the wheat farm in Manitoba. Oh yea...LA has NEVER drank from the cup...Happy holiday cheers... Popes
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I'll second the atmosphere in NASCAR country. They tailgate all day long and their barn is by far the loudest in the league. The Canes have a helluva owner too.
As far as teams in Florida and Gerogia... how many Americans are on those rosters? So while Bettman tried to make the NHL America's game in non-traditional markets, there aren't any faces or names the average Joe or Jane will identify with... and the face that Bettman wants to cram down our throat, Sidney Crosby, is the biggest crybaby & diver to play the game in a generation.
Maybe Mr. Bacon is cramming together LA and Anaheim? Heck, baseball cannot tell the difference so for this article, perhaps an exception can be made?!
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Another fine post, Chris. I'm gratified that our readers are informed, intelligent, opinionated (justly) and also have a sense of humor and civility -- all of which makes me look forward to the replies from each piece as they come in.
As you'll see above, I heartily agree about the passion of hockey fans in NASCAR country, and the more the better. (I've heard enough about the fans in Raleigh to want to see it for myself.) I just hate to see one group of fans sacrificed for the other.
Regarding Sidney Crosby, while he is undoubtedly one of the league's great talents (though Malkin's backhand biscuit the other night was insane), there is no question that among many fans and analysts, he is wearing out his welcome with too much whining. Once you get that reputation for crying and diving, it's very hard to shake.
I will say, though, that this playoff season is one of the best I've seen in a while. A handful of great series makes us forget how dull this year's March Madness often was.
-JUB
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Mr. Popes,
Enjoyed your reply.
I'll take 'em from the top!
I couldn't agree more that hockey is a game best served live, in person, which explains its success in backwaters like Lafayette, Louisiana, where I once did a story on the Ice Gators (get it?) for Time magazine. In a town of about 50,000 people, they packed 10,000 Ragin' Cajuns into the Cajun Dome for each home game. It was a great place to see a game.
I'm all for the game expanding, of course, wherever fans love it - and they surely do love it in the spots you mention, including Raleigh.
What bothers me is seeing Bettman move franchises from the Hockey Homeland to the U.S., where they often don't care that much and have to move again in a few years. (I'm looking at you, Phoenix.) Bettman is even blocking the Blackberry founder's attempts to lure the Jets-Coyotes back to Canada, even though he has the money to do it.
That's not good for anyone. And I also deeply dislike Bettman's seeming indifference to the particular challenges Canadian teams face. If the Green Bay Packers were a hockey team, they'd have abandoned the Cheeseheads decades ago.
The NHL needs some form of protection against the exchange rate, they need revenue sharing, and a TV contract with a network people can find. The league also needs a real commissioner.
There, I said it.
Finally, yes, I know that it was the (formerly Mighty) Ducks of Anaheim, not LA, that won the Cup. (Though as a reader later points out, the Angels have screwed the whole thing up, as they are the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of the California Region in the Pacific Time Zone -- or some such.)
Thanks for your informed comments, Mr. Popes. I suspect we actually agree more than not. And enjoy the big weekend!
-JUB
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Just curious. Ultimately, doesn't Bettman serve the owners? So if moving the Coyotes back to Manitoba could be good for the game, then why wouldn't the owners force Bettman's hand? Or are most of the owners relatively uninvolved and simply let the commish run roughshod all over the league?
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Yoopers want to have their own state called Superior.
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I've actually heard this during my trips to Yooper Land, and it's a pretty cool idea, though I can't imagine it will go far.
When I was at a dinner party in Marquette once, I asked the locals present if they'd rather be a part of Wisconsin, or independent. One woman said, "We'd rather be considered part of Michigan."
Note the logo with both peninsulas on the MSU basketball court. Izzo is making a point -- and a good one.
-JUB
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Rumor has it that you used to pick a Canadian team in Nintendo RBI Baseball in the early 1990s so you could sing the Canadian National Anthem, and that you would plunk Darryl Strawberry every time he came to bat.
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These reports are accurate.
In the early days of video games, we often played RBI Baseball. I would invariably pick the Blue Jays, sing O Canada, then promptly plunk Darryl Strawberry each and every time he came to bat.
It was a matter of principle.
I regret nothing.
-JUB
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My wife was born in Aurora Ont. and grew up a Leaf fan. She doesn't even watch the playoffs anymore...Woe is Canada! GoBlue
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Sad but not surprising.
One factor I could not get into given our limited time and space was the undeniably poor management in both Toronto and Montreal -- major market teams, with unequaled tradition and incredibly passionate fans.
Even with all the problems I mentioned, those two teams should be doing better than they are.
-JUB
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Whoa, cowboy! While I don't always agree with Bettman, he did NOT move the Nordiques and Jets -- the individual owners did with the approval of the other owners. The commissioner is not an autocrat, unless the owners allow him to be. And the whole "Hockeytown" thing -- blame that on Wings and their marketing people.
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Patrick,
You're certainly right that the owners moved the Nordiques and Jets, but only after their appeals to the league for help with the crushing exchange rate went ignored. When you're giving up 30-40 percent on every dollar, and have to build your own arenas, your odds of success plummet.
You're also right that the commissioner works at the pleasure of the majority of the owners -- but clearly not the Canadian ones, who are no fans of Bettman, and rightly so. His disregard for the Canadian franchises is well known.
And a third bonus point for your correct assertion that "Hockeytown" is a creation of the Wings' marketing department. My point simply that the passion one US city has for its hockey team -- one of its four professional franchises, if you count the Lions -- can't match the passion an entire nation has for the one sport it truly cares about.
Just sayin'.
Thanks for reading, and making three important points.
-JUB
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