In 2004, Major League Baseball tried to replace the judgment of umpires with a computer, with disastrous results.  They’re trying it again this season.   

This is a horribly misguided idea, not only because baseball umpires are by far the most accurate officials in any sport, but also because they are by far the most entertaining.  Officials in other sports make news only when they blow it, but a good umpire gets our attention with a good strike call, “steeee-rrrike!”, a fist pump “Out!” on a bang-bang play at home, or a spirited shouting match with a manager – which inevitably ends with the umpire tossing the manager with a good, old-fashioned heave-ho. 

But the most interesting part of the umpires’ job you might not even notice unless you’re looking closely: the special relationship they’ve developed with catchers over a century, complete with their own etiquette.  At the end of a major league umpire’s first game behind the plate, for example, the catcher hands him the baseball to welcome him to the big leagues.  That often marks the last pleasant exchange between them. 

Ken Kaiser, who worked 23 seasons in the major leagues, said, “Catchers can help you or bury you.  If you don’t get along with the catcher, you can end up with the whole world against you.”

Another famous umpire, Ron Luciano, once wrote, “By pulling a few pitches every player or coach will believe the umpire is having a bad day. Then they will spend the rest of the day 'helping' him," with “suggestions” on how to do his job. 

This helps explain why, when umpires brush off the plate between innings, they always turn their back side to center field.  No need to give the fans a nice target. 

One day, famously angry Baltimore manager Earl Weaver was giving Luciano the business on every single pitch, even the ones that went for Baltimore.  Weaver was getting to him, when Luciano got back in his crouch and asked catcher Elrod Hendricks, “What’s Earl’s deal?  Why is he always all over me?”

Hendricks calmly threw the ball back to the pitcher, and said, “Ron, you’ve got to understand.Earl’s not happy unless Earl’s not happy.”  It’s a lesson for us all, whenever someone is giving us a hard time.  Remember, that person probably won’t be happy until they’re not happy.  Give them their wish, and throw them out of your game.

Luciano admitted he learned to trust certain catchers like Hendrick so much, he actually let them umpire for him on bad days -- which usually followed good nights.  If it’s a strike, he’d tell them, hold your glove in place for an extra second.  If it’s a ball, throw it right back.  And please,no yelling!  Luciano said no one he ever worked with ever took advantage of the situation, and no hitter ever figured out what they were doing.

 Yogi Berra once asked umpire Red Flaherty why he called a good-looking pitch a ball.  “Hey, Yog,” Flaherty said, “I’m not infallible.”

 “It means every once in a while I miss one.”

 Yogi smiled.  “In that case, you’re the most infallible umpire in the league.”   

 Still better than a computer.  Much better.