Woods Whiffs Twice
From the day Tiger Woods was born, his parents groomed him to become the best golfer in the world.
Incredibly, it worked. Woods’s uncommon ability to hit a golf ball landed him on the Mike Douglas show – when he was two. He got his first hole in one at six, and two years later he won his first international tournament. Tiger Woods has been the best golfer in the world for his age every year of his life.
Woods’s unequaled ambition also earned him a few bucks – about a hundred million of them last year alone, almost all of it from endorsements.
Perhaps more surprising, the guy seems normal. He’s got brains – he went to Stanford – he has a sense of humor, friends, a beautiful wife and two kids. If anyone had it all, it was Tiger Woods.
And that’s why the stories this week about marital fights and car accidents and affairs with California cocktail waitresses are so surprising. Not that such things are unusual among athletes. On that scale, the week’s events barely wiggled the Richter scale. What -- no drugs, no guns, no bankruptcy, or no dog fights? You call that a scandal?
No, the stunning thing is that it all happened to Tiger Woods – the single most self-disciplined man in sports. Before this, his only apparent vice was swearing after a bad shot. And if that’s a sin, every golfer is going to hell.
But there he was, zipping out of his Florida mansion at two in the morning, with no shoes on, with his gorgeous wife chasing after him with a two-iron. When Tiger ran his car into a tree, she caught up to him – and proceeded to hack at the windows, with a complete disregard for basic golf etiquette.
Now, one of my favorite things about American society is our ability to turn any horrible situation into a half-dozen one liners by Tuesday. What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 300 yards.
I imagine neither Woods nor his wife are laughing right now. There are some serious issues here, starting with privacy. The unwritten code among sports writers is this: if an affair is between consenting adults, no one reports it. Take Magic Johnson and Michael Jordan, whose private lives didn’t become public until other factors made them impossible to ignore. Tiger Woods would probably get the same treatment – but once the police got involved, the story changed.
Woods often gets in trouble on the golf course because he takes so many chances. But when he does, he displays perhaps his greatest skill: an uncanny knack for getting out of trouble quickly. Tiger Woods, the man, did exactly the opposite, taking a bad situation and making it much worse.
Whenever a celebrity screws up, his lawyers invariably tell him to keep his mouth shut – not realizing that the courts are the least of his problems. His case will be tried on ESPN every hour on the hour, and silence only breeds suspicion – and interest. As a character on the Simpsons said: “What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?” What, indeed.
But Woods’s “apology statement” was even worse, less concerned with apologizing to his family than venting about the media. Woods values his privacy so much he bought a $20 million yacht, and named it, “Privacy.” But it wasn’t privacy that paid for that boat – it was publicity. Lots of it. And you’d have to be pretty naïve or dumb – and Woods ain’t either – to think you can direct the spotlight to shine only on your good sides.
Woods seems to have gotten about what he deserved: a public embarrassment, though perhaps not as bad as his wife’s, who did nothing to deserve it. But Woods will recover, the money will keep flowing, and he’ll sail off on the good ship Privacy – though he might consider renaming it.
Copyright © 2009, Michigan Radio
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Did you really just quote The Simpsons, JU?
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Well said. What I don't understand is why these athletes get married in the first place. A guy like Derek Jeter doesn't have to apologize for appearing in tabloid photos alongside actresses and models...but he's not married. If you want to live this lifestyle, why commit to someone?
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Yes, Doug, I just quoted the Simpsons -- more specifically, Chief Wiggum. Hey, a classic quote is a classic quote. And as they say, if you can't say it better, quote it.
Good question, Andrew. It doesn't seem to make much sense for celebrities to get married if, ultimately, they don't want to be.
And to all Loyal Readers, mea culpa for not getting to some of these comments sooner. I pledge to be right on it, especially now that football has finally ended, and I get a large chunk of my life back.
Have a fine weekend!
-John
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Unfortunately for Tiger, he has become such a big celebrity that sports writers aren't the only ones following him. Therefore, any transgression is fair game in the eyes of the tabloids, who are eating this up. Otherwise, I'm right with you.
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My squeeky clean Tiger... It is a shame....Shame on the jersey chasers as well. A hostess that worked at a bar, and another who's biggest accomplishment was to be on a reality show called Tool Academy... Honestly. If the shoe fits.
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Agreed, Seth -- and you got a laugh out of me, Lisa!
Here's something else to watch for: The Canadian doctor linked both to Tiger and to HGH. If this ultimately implicates Tiger in using performance-enhancing drugs, the affairs will be nothing compared to the damage that would do. He would become the Barry Bonds of golf-- and golf would be a lot less forgiving.
-JUB
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