World's Greatest Game?
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The 2010 World Cup is in full swing – even if the U.S. was eliminated in the second round. I’ve played soccer, coached it and covered it, and there’s a lotto like about the sport.
First, soccer players are great athletes. The pros run about six miles a game. They can settle the ball down from any direction in a split second, play keep away with it for days, and then blast it right on target, with either foot.
For TV viewers, it’s a pleasure to see the great expanse of green on your screen, with no TV timeouts interrupting play. And, unlike the World Series, the world is actually invited to play in the World Cup. It’s almost every nation’s favorite sport. And you can play it anywhere, with anything.
I’ve seen soccer played in the streets of Bangkok, the alleys of Buenos Aires, and the wide-open fields of British public schools. I’ve seen them play under the lights of Tokyo’s fenced-in asphalt courts, and during dusk on the Canary Island’s empty beaches, with just two sandals for a goal.
It is, truly, the world’s game. That’s why Time magazine contributor Daniel Okrent concluded the best athlete of all time isn’t Babe Ruth or Muhammad Ali or Michael Jordan, but Pele. Because, he said, everyone plays soccer.
But you don’t have to be a xenophobe or a philistine or just a knucklehead to find fault with this game. Take the start. I counted the Germans passing the ball at midfield 17 times before they even considered advancing forward – which is, after all, where the goal is located.
When they finally do try to score, there’s an excellent chance the play will be called offside, which is determined by an imaginary line that goes back and forth with the last defender. Yes, it’s hard to tell, which might explain why the refs blow the call half the time. Or perhaps it’s because they are the worst officials I’ve ever seen – in any sport.
As a result, a goal in soccer is as rare as Halley’s Comet. The World Cup’s first nine matches featured a grand total of seven goals. That’s about one goal every two hours – and games are only 90 minutes.
Or, about that. No one can tell for sure, because whenever a player is injured, the referee tacks on extra time. But only he knows how much. It’s the only game in the world where just one guy knows when it ends.
What’s worse than the Official Pretend Clock are the unofficial pretend injuries. When you see a player jump in the air, fall to the ground, and spin like a lathe, you start looking for a sniper in the stands, until the replay shows he wasn’t touched by…anything. Every sport in the world celebrates toughness –mental or physical – except this one, which celebrates athletes acting like wimps.
Add it all up – and it all adds up to a one-one tie, soccer’s favorite score. This is not a problem just for Americans suffering from ADD, but for anyone who cares about competition. The whole idea of keeping score, after all, is to see who’s better. But in this year’s first round of 48 games, about one-quarter ended in ties – usually one-to-one.
But in the second round, even the World Cup needs to pick a winner. If 30 minutes of overtime can’t settle it, they go to a shoot-out, where players from each team take turns shooting directly on the helpless goalie, who has to guess if the shooter will kick it to the right, or the left. It has all the strategic intrigue of rock-paper-scissors – without the scissors.
So they spend two hours playing a game in which it’s virtually impossible to score – then settle it with an unrelated contest in which it’s virtually impossible not to score. And that’s how the world’s favorite sport picks the world’s best team.
Copyright© 2010, Michigan Radio
Follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/johnubacon
Soccer analysis is generally good. Skillful game but boring to watch.
Changes
playing field to large. players can not physically cover the ground with out catching breath. Smaller playing area - 10 on a side.
Need multiple substitution, like hockey.
Need time clock. Official signals on/off.
Of course without Ad breaks networks won't pay leagues/team much for TV rights.
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This comes from Loyal Reader Ty Tessmer, whose browser doesn't let him comment directly to the site. (Who can figure the Cyber-Gods?)
Hey John –
Worst ref's ever - have you ever seen the referring in a CCHA hockey game? I'm just saying!!! Have a nice 4th of July weekend!
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John: The die-hard aficianados might not agree with you, but your description of the "world's game" is very accurate. I love the game, having played, coached, and even sponsored youth teams. I even reffed for a few years (but never added extra time!).
However, the shortcomings in the game today, as you so aptly describe, should be tweaked by FIFA or the powers that be, in order to bring the game into the 21st century.
After all, American football, the way it is played today, has been changed radically since the early 1900's, and all for the better.
I commend the American soccer team for their showing this year, and hope that they, as well as the world's other teams can benefit by updating several rule and referee changes.
Dr.Ed Kornblue
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Dear Dr. Kornblue:
Spot on, as usual. And you raise an excellent point -- really, perhaps my central point, now that I think of it! Soccer is clearly a great game, and we both appreciate it, but we'd like to make some tweaks to make it better.
And THAT is what really separates soccer from our favorite sports: football, basketball, baseball and hockey are tweaked CONSTANTLY by the powers that be to maintain the fragile balances between offense and defense, and the favorites and the underdogs. Soccer hasn't dared change any rules of note since -- well, ever!
A few tweaks -- fixing the clock, killing offsides, penalizing acting (in a real way), and changing the overtime format (which both football and hockey have both changed several times) -- would all make the game much better.
But if you try to tell that to a soccer fan, they usually just call you a typical American idiot.
Ah, but it's the risk we must take. (Insert silly emoticon here.)
-John
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Mr. Moses,
I like your list of fixes, and can add a few of my own:
-The time clock: simply have the official's clicker connected to the scoreboard, so we can all see what he's doing.
-End offsides. A forward gets behind a defender -- so what? Defend him! What's the downside -- more offense? Boy, that would be a tragedy.
-In overtime, remove a player from each side every five minutes. Somebody will score!
-Anyone in a stretcher better be unconscious. The Ghana player sitting up in the stretcher, then getting right back in, was the epitome of this silliness.
There, I said it!
-JUB
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This is probably the most concise and accurate summation of my perception of soccer. Oh, and Ty Tessmer has no clue!
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Much thanks, Mr. Bracco!
And as for the (admittedly unrelated!) subject of college hockey refereeing Mr. Tessmer raised, I'll wimpily take both sides:
-I can't recall a U-M hockey season that had more games directly affected by suspect calls, though in fairness, the real problem seems to be the process of making the calls. The press and coaches can see the replays, but the refs can't use them. (I'm for limited use -- home run calls, hockey goals, touchdown plays.)
-The worst game of the year, by far, was the U-M/Miami regional final, where the refs blew not one but two goal calls. Get either one right, and Michigan would have advanced to Ford Field. But those refs were not CCHA, but Easterners.
There -- wimpy enough for you?
-JUB
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Coolest tongue-in-cheek
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Much thanks, Ms. Matthews!
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CCHA refs are by far worse for their sport than anyone FIFA lets ref.
How you say?
Well, hockey refs have the benefit of replay and still cannot get the call correct.
-Chris Widdick
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Mr Bacon:
I am almost always a fan of your commentary but I am extremely disappointed by your comments on world cup.
It is a low scoring game but the enjoyment of soccer for many of us doesn't come from the need to see a goal but the incredible display of strategy and control that it takes to set one up.
This year the refereeing has been terrible, I agree, but without replay, like in baseball, the human element is there. For better or worse is debatable, but it was your story about supporting umpire Joyce that I found so inspiring. Bad calls happen in every sport with oversight and it does change the history of each game.
Players that work to get the attention of the refs is no different than any basketball player crying about every bump or slip.
Although I support the clock, the penalty shootout and stoppage time I am mostly disappointed that you would judge not only the performance of this years players and refs but the entire nature of the game. Your comments speak to the game itself being at fault. Like the rules themselves need to be changed before you support the "worlds game" That kind of direct criticism on a sport I have never heard from you before.
Finally to the sportsmanship of the players. Like no other game I am aware, the players who have possession of the ball when an opposing player is hurt will kick it out of bounds to let that player receive attention. Then the team gaining possession from the throw in will return it to the other teams goalie to return possession to the rightful team. Outside of any FIFA requirement or current advantage they have, that courtesy is extended. That is sportsmanship of a world class sport.
-Steve DiGiuseppe
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Dear Mr. DiGiuseppe,
First -- and most important, to me -- hats off for exercising the simple -- but rare -- ability to disagree without being disagreeable. More on that later.
Taking your points from the top:
-You're right that a lot of the game's appeal is the build up to a goal, not just the goal itself. And the skill displayed in midfield is remarkable -- as I note in the piece.
-Good point about the pros and cons of replay, and I agree, I'd rather soccer did NOT have replay, especially for calls like offsides. (I just wish they didn't have offsides itself!) But I still can't understand, at this level, why they blow so many simple -- and crucial -- calls. Baseball umpires are, for my money, the best in sports. These guys -- especially this year --aren't close. It even raises the specter of gambling as a potential problem -- because certainly the World Cup would be a very rich target.
-You also make a good point about basketball players taking charges, and the like. But there is a crucial difference: basketball defenders or football punters might feign getting knocked over, but not being injured. That's the aspect I find such a turn-off. When you see a stretcher come out in football, the player needs it.
-Interesting take on my "meta argument," that I've never criticized an entire game before -- but actually, you have accurately depicted my views (perhaps to your dismay on this point). I think they game is good to very good, and it's global appeal is unequaled, but it's utter refusal to make any real changes over decades -- while our favorite sports tweak themselves constantly, as I write above -- is rather maddening.
-You make what I consider an excellent point about soccer's sportsmanship. The time-honored gesture you describe, well-known to observers of the game, is one of the best in sports. It is analogous to Tour de France leader holding up the pack when a competitor falls, allowing him to catch up. And really, those are about the two best examples of sportsmanship customs in any sport, anywhere. Well said.
Now, for my main reaction: Yours is one of the best criticisms I have seen anywhere to a writer. We obviously do not agree on all points, though perhaps we have more common ground after this debate, but even when I still disagree, your response is unfailingly well-informed, well-reasoned, intelligent and fair. And for those reasons, of course, you have no problem signing your name.
If every reader with a bone to pick had your brains and class, the internet would be a much better place!
Great thanks for reading, and for writing.
-John
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Deutschland Uber Alles - Uber Alles in der Welt -Eingkeit rechts und Freiheit
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The Onion (video) makes a similar point about soccer but with slightly less regard to political correctness: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xLn-X8YJRg
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Hi John, I can't agree more, the injury drama is too much for me.
How about this tweak, add a diving penalty similar to hockey.
I do have to agree with Mr. Tessmer.
Thanks for a great column.
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